It occurs to me that I'm being pretty harsh on people. for instance, that poor guy who did the music for the VHS tape of the Shiek. Yeah, the music sucked, but he was probably given $300 and two days to throw it all together. It's low budjets and tight schedule and they do the music last, almost as an afterthought. And the folks that do that are always independant contractors with home studios (i think i read this in Electronic Muscican magazine or something) working for peanuts. I'm sorry.

and also, the guys on my mailing list. A few days ago I criticized the way the were responding to a list member's immenent demise. Many of them sent messages saying, "don't die." and I felt maybe they could have said something else like, "I've always enjoyed your posts and your music, my thoughts are with you." Well, that still might be better, but it's not like anything in this culture prepares us to confront death. We celebrate youth and pretend death isn't there. People don't die at home so much, they die in hospitals, surrounded by machines and out of our sight. Croos-generational relationships have become more rare, so young folks aren't hanging around folks who are closer to death and thus we don't experience that. It's mysterious and perhaps terrible and to be avoided at all costs and not thoguht about at other times. thinking about death is a sign of mental illness in these times. That's not right. That's the fault of our feel-good media and the bad seven corps that run it. It's not the fault of the guys on my list. I'm sorry.

and i harshed on my mom's friends. being around my mom is really hard. and jean says that they will realize that they were wrong and then it will be too late. yikes. they should come visit my mom and i should be understanding if they don't. it's not like i don't try to avoid her aosmetimes. so i'm sorry.

blogs can tend to be confessional. now mine is too. bless me somebody for i have sinned. I'm going to go look at getting comment features now.