It doesn't matter who I'm trying to kid because all the applications are due January 15h and I haven't taken the GRE yet and I don't have an appointment and I don't know any vocabulary or highschool math. And more importantly, I don't have much of a portfolio, especially in regular composition, which is what I want to study, I think, or not. Maybe I want to be more electronic.

christi keeps telling me to apply to Mills. But all of my academic reccomendations would come from Mils people. How would that work out? and I wasn't very serious as an undergrad and wasn't very sauve or polite and there are plenty of peope around who probably still don't like me or think I'm a trouble maker. the old head of campus computer services thought I was compromising security on the netword and was convinced I was behind every computer misdeed that occurred. (It didn't help when the Mills Weekly quoted me out of context when I was answering questions about denial of service attacks. It ended up as looking like a how-to manual, which is stupid because even though I know how to do stuff in theory, I have no practical computer cracking skills.) I only caused a minor system disruption once and it was an accident.

Anyway, I've already gone to Mills. I'd feel like a loser going to the same college forever. If they'd even want me back.

My plans are all in conflict. I want to stay here. I want to go away. I want to study regular composition. but I don't know anything aout it, there's nothing to reccomend me to the program. I want to use my degree to get research appointments. Appointments are for people who do electronic music. I already know how to do electronic music, I don't need to go to more school. Research locations only want people with advanced degrees. Yarg, if I knew how to do everything they seem to want for me t get in, I wouldn't need more education. How does that work?

whine whine whine. I'm so privledged. My whines ought to make people want to kick me. A freind of a freind is making lists of people who will be killled in the revolution. I'm probably on hiz list. I don't think I want hiz revoltuion. (Hiz is a new genderqueer pronoun I just made up even though I'm not genderqueer. Yet another reason to be targetted by that sort of revolution.)

I just reread Ecotopia. I don't have a single original idea in my whole head.