I ate halvah tonight, but the crushing pain of existence was only partially ameliorated. Had an annoying conversation with the housemate which has now been classified as a boundary for me. Feel very annoyed about the HOA descision and mad at myself for getting the night wrong. Need reassurance that I'm on the right track. There's a certain volitility to my outlook. Last night or the night before, had a long conversation with a some people about student mental health services. All the grad students are angsty. Jessica explained that people go to grad school when they don't know what to do with their life and want to put off real life for a while. I felt a strong sense of belonging and that I was in the right place at the right time. If only I had inner stability and could keep these perspectives instead of sliding away from them.
I miss Ellen a lot