Not but barely over an hour ago, the vatican announced the selection of a new pope. after the traditional white smoke rose from the chimney, a spokes person came forward to announce "popus hablam" "we have a pope." The crowd burst into cheers as Pope Archie Bunker II made his first public appearance, blessing the crowd.
"My fellow Catholics," the new Pope addressed the throngs, "My work as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has prepared me to take up this new role. I am prepared to take this church forward into the 21st century, by promoting celibacy, scapegoating gay people, stooping the evils of condoms and letting mysogony thrive wherever it's seed lands, like the sewer spreading the word of the lord." He then raised his hand in blessing over the crowd, "May God bless you and lead you from sin, keep you heterosexual. Amen." the new pope then retreated into seclusion.
While pope Archie Bunker II was head of the CDC, they issued documents on a number of social issues, among them a tract On the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons which stated that such persons were "insitrinsically disordered" and in no case worthy of approval. The document recommended against allowing homosexual persons speak to each other, lest they become overwhelmed by temptation. The document was widely criticized as "pastoral" usually refers to loving care and avoids making condemnations. The CDC followed up to it's controversial document with a tract On the Doctrinal Care of Homosexual Persons which called for public stonings. The then-head of the CDC, now pope told reporters, "You want hard line? you haven't seen nothing yet! We would have called for the death penalty in the 'pastoral' document, but I guess we're against that now."