It's easy to remember 1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433). You folks that need to know it, you know who you are. Program it into your cell phone. Just fucking remember it. And then when you need it, fucking call it.
Sometimes when you look backwards, it looks barren and bleak. And sometimes when you look forwards, the emptiness seems to stretch out forever. It's an illusion. Your life can't seriously be like that, or you wouldn't have made it to adulthood. Children actually raised that way die Of natural causes. By themselves. So if you're old enough to be reading this, you life hasn't actually been like that. Probably, the worst is behind you. If your situation was really so low, you wouldn't have the activity level or agency to do something so drastic. People don't get drastic like that unless they're on the upswing. You've just waited until things have gotten better and now you're thinking of it. Call the fucking hotline number.
You don't get to adulthood without hope. You don't get to adulthood without love. Maybe they didn't love you enough. Maybe they're gone now. But that love was there or you wouldn't be. More people care about you than you think. People love you. People have loved you.
Rapture Ready folks care more about afterlife than life. Other folks are like that too. Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? Do you keep getting reborn until you reach enlightenment? Do you live this life over and over and over again infinitely? Can you come back and chat with the psychic living? Is this all there is?
I don't fucking care about the answers to these questions. There's no verifiable evidence for any of them aside form the "this is it" one. Maybe you've had a person experience with talking to the dead. I've known people who have. But it's not mutually verifiable. The evidence can't be used in a scientific sense. But, seriously, I don't care. I'm just as happy with oblivion as I am with doing this same thing over and over again in the exact way. There are bad times. There are good times. You owe it to yourself and to folks who love you to chase the good. Go out and fucking grab it and hold on. It's an obligation. Hope is a moral obligation.
What brought this on
Polly's boyfriend Paul died. He was a good guy. I knew him, liked him. He read this blog. I hadn't talked to him in a long time, but I cared about him. I don't actually know who all reads this or what they're thinking and maybe I've never met them offline or even online. But some of y'all are happy and some are sad. And if you need to memorize that number, you know it in your heart. So fucking memorize it. And call it when you need it.