Commission Music

Commission Music
Bespoke Noise!!

Monday, 14 October 2002

Well, my mom was awake yesturday morning, but she was less active through the day. She never once removed the oxygen line from her nose. It's got to still be itching her. Her breathing had been a little rough off and on. When I went to bed, I was listening for "wet respiration." That's when fluid gets in people's throats and they rattle or gurgle. I thought I heard a hint of it, but nobody else did. At 3:00 AM, all of the sudden, she started making sounds like an espresso machine. Very loud, alarming gurgles. I know how to treat this, but I sent Christi off running for Cathy anyway. She says that usually people with wet respiration are sweaty and especially wet around the mouth. Anyway, we gave my mom a drop of the medicine for it and she quieted down. It was her first bit of it.

She's been getting more of it since. None of the super-loud gurgling again, but gurgling anyway. The medicine is supossed to work immediately, but she just got a drop and is still gurgling away. Maybe she needs more, maybe we should wait a bit. This afternoon, she got the sweaty, wet mouth thing as described, but it doesn't seem to be any sort of prerequisite. She's also maxed out on morphine doses and went over sedative doses. She starts freaking out half an hour before she can get more morphine. Sarah K. says that some of that is withdrawl. Medical Marijuana is illegal under federal law because it has a side effect of euphoria. Morphine has all the euphoria and is addictive to boot, but it's legal. Not that I want it to be made illegal. I just wish it didn't give mom withdrawl, or lose it's effectiveness so quickly. Some of it is my mom being in more pain. Some is that she just needs more to stay at the same level. She's in an educational video on drugs or something. It does suck as much as they say. But she's not walking the street yet or anything.

My dad has been telling everyone all week that my mom would live until tuesday. I'd been silently mocking it, but who knows, maybe she will, at least until 3:00 AM. We'd been wondering how my dad would escape to work on the weekend. Apparently, he's been sitting in front of his computer, at the other end of the house, all day. Cathy feels bad for him.

I wish my mom would stop gurgling. Her friend says that since she got sick so fast and it was mostly a brain-disease, her internal organs are in better shape than most dying people and so she's hanging on longer. I wish she'd hurry up and die. It sounds awful. If we were in Oregon, she wouldn't have to keep suffering. But I can't say definitely that she would have done the paperwork to allow her doctor the euthanize her. Catholics are pro-suffering, they don't go for euthanasia. Mother Thersa apparently spoke in favor of the sufferings of the poor because more suffering makes the workd holier. It's that whole pro-penance thing. Christi got a candle of Saint Alex, because it was a pink candle and he was wearing pink. turns out he's the patron saint of warding off satan. He was born a rich guy in Roman times, but ran away on the night of his wedding to be a poor and holy beggar. He finally ended up living in his parents house off of the charity they routinely offered the poor. The servants abused him terribly and only on his death did anyone discover that he was really the son. Talk about ungrateful children. And what about his poor wife. Did they have anullments back then?


  • Candles: bring them (votive type in glass) or light them at home
  • Oreos

Thank you to providers of candles, comfort food, coffee, takers of phillip glass tickets and writers of email.

No comments: