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Thursday, 13 March 2003

Homoland Security Update

Tom Midge of Finland today altertered casaninja's Nun Alert status from Full Habit down to Mini Skirt. The system of warnings is designed to alert Ninja's of a possible need to access sudio time in the middle of the night. Last night's Nun Alert level was prompted by sound engineering that went on until past 2:00 AM. Tonight's reduction to Mini Skirt, a level designated to mean that it would be all right to go ahead and invite the UC Cheerleading tea over for an all-night orgy, came about because the project is basically done and the sound engineer expects to be tired tonight.

The system was recently instated to ensure better warning and communication between Ninjas who wish to use the bed area and Ninjas who wish to use studio space late at night. Critics have blasted the system, calling it overly complicated and claiming that the very name "homoland security" is problematic and possibly biphobic. Tom Midge of Finland defended the system, pointing out that naked women appaear twice in his collected comics, thus demonstrating his committment to bisexual inclusion. He went on to state that he expected to have to raise the Nun Alert to Pantsuit some time within the next two weeks as intelligence indicated that other deadlines are fast approaching and late time studio access may become necessary.

The four levels of Nun Alert are:

  • Full Habit: The studio will be in use past bed time.
  • Pantsuit: The studio may be in use past bedtime. Be alert and on gaurd, but continue to consume and go about your businiess.
  • Miniskirt: The studio will not be in use. Feel free to invite over the UC cheerleading team.
  • Leather Suit: The studio-users expect to be able to use the bed area with you!
The Free-associative Press contributed to this report.

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