Fox News Analysis of the First Presidential Debate
Well, by fluke of a coin toss, Kerry got to make the opening gestures, in which he tried a trite shirt removal and howl. Now, we've seen this before, most notably, in 1984 when Walter Mondale tried the same opening move. And Kerry was a little better at it than Mondale. At least he didn't momentarily choke himself like Mondale did, haha. And then Kerry followed that with something like, would you say maybe a cat sound? Some sort of high tenor roar, maybe. This is a typical opening for liberal challengers.
Bush then quickly contered, taking the offensive. He quickly displayed his stronger upper body muscles and then made a terrfying and loud sound. It was . . . I don't even know how to characterize it . . . unearthly.
Then, after his strong opening rebuttal, Bush quickly used his opening strength to his advantage by pouncing on evil she-devil vixen mutli-billionaire liberal elite heiress Theresa HEINZ Kerry. Unfortunately, she summoned some of her dark and evil black magic to escape from Bush. Now, this wasn't necessarily good for Bush, but it wasn't good for Kerry either, because it showed that he is clearly in league with Satan. Looking at that, I think it was clear that Bush came out ahead in that exchange and was thus still far in the lead.
Bush, then, victoriously lept upon his podium and then again made that . . . sound, striking fear into the hearts of terrorists around the world.
Kerry tried to copy Bush, it was immediately clear that it was nothing but an immiative attack, like in 1980 when Jimmy Carter tried throwing the tree stump back at Reagan but just completely missed. It's what we've come to expect from Democrats in debates.
Then, seemingly infuriated, maybe at loosing, Kerry then ran over and toppled Bush's podium. It was a cheap shot and it was unfair and it just shows how Democrats, when they can't win will try anything. And it shows the complacency of the liberal media elite. Jim Leherer, who is from PBS did not call foul and that is, I beleive, why Bush then demonstrated complete dominacy over Lehrer. Lerhrer is not badly hurt, except for his pride which must have suffered when Bush urinated on him, but I think it shows just how far Bush is willing to go not only to defend himself, but also defend this country when it's attacked.
He will strike evil wherever it lurks, whether in other competing band of primates or in the dark and inscrutable heart of Theresa Heinz Kerry. And he will find those repsoncible for crimes, like Jim Lehrer and demonstrate his unwillingness to back down, to let them get away with it.
There is no questuon that Bush was the clear winner tonight. Also, since you know, we don't expect Bush to be much of a debater or a critical thinker or exhibit "leadership" qualities, he's clearly greatly outperformed expectations and thus is completely, overwhelming, unquestionably, factually, totally in the lead. If enough voters were watching, he'll clearly be our alpha male again for the next four years.