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Tuesday 12 April 2005


William Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, asserted that "[t]he gay community has yet to apologize to straight people for all the damage that they have done" and denounced gays for "asking for more rights" while allegedly "acting so morally delinquent."

I'm very sorry. I'm sorry I flirted with you in line at the grocery store, causing a backup in line and financial loss to the store. I'm sorry that my college shaved head did not provide jobs to beauticians. I'm sorry for any adverse financial consequences that I've inflicted on the cosmetics industry. I'm sorry for causing sexual insecurity in straight boys through the knowledge that lesbians are often much more skilled at certain tasks. I'm sorry for the brief popularization of flannel in the late 1990s. I'm sorry about the financial consequences of my decision to buy men's clothes rather than more expensive and poorly made women's clothes.

I really just want to come clean and get this all off my chest. All this damage I've caused by existing has been terrible for straight people. I feel your pain. I promise to never again ask for equal rights until everyone is totally comfortable with it.

I think to be fair, other minority groups should also apologize for any discomfort, loss, or harm inflicted upon the dominant group. Women must apologize to men (sorry for taking away so many of your rights, like spousal abuse). Blacks must apologize to whites. Jews must apologize to Christians. Let's all get started on this so that healing can begin.

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1 comment:

Charles Céleste Hutchins said...

gosh, laGoy, what can i say? I'm sorry.

I thought you were an atheist, tho? shouldn't you go find some xtains and apologize?

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