Commission Music

Commission Music
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Friday, 15 July 2005


well, i did pretty piss poor on my oral exam. (Imagine this exchange filled with ums and massive mispronunciations) «Je vais etudier la musique d'Innas Xenakis.» «Qui est-ce?» «Il ecrivais musique electronique et musique concrete.» «Music concrete? Est-ce que musique concrete?» «uhhhhhh. on uzas umm 'tape recorder' . . .» «Magnetephone» «on uh us un magnetephone et uhhhhh non non non»

Music concrete was a french movement in early tape music where the composer would record real-world sounds and manipulate them (or not_ and splice the results together to create a pice of tape music. It's a bit beyond me to say that in french. Oh, and "uzas" is esperanto.

I've got the flu and emailed my professor to ask if I can take the midterm next week. I slept from 2-5 pm today and only got up because Cola made me. I'm about to go back to sleep now.

People at school said nice things about my hair. I think I might have gone a bit too short. I'm so used to arguing with hair people that I didn't realize that I should listen to claire. I told her I wanted to look like a boy and then when she was done I said I had wanted shorter. My head looked a lot squarer before she took the rest off, alas. I was kind of hoping at school today that somebody would tell me I was in the wrong bathroom, but actually that would be really awkward and is really unlikely at Berkeley anyway. I'm not sure about this boy thing really. Today a guy grabbed my study notes without asking and started copying them. I know not all boys are assholes but so many are. Although I'm already kind of obtuse and demanding. My plan right now is to try going out in drag a few times to see how it fits. Except I am never going to pass for a boy. I sooo don't have time to worry about this. In fact, I really want to nap.

One story first though. When I was a freshman in highschool, I had worked out that I was queer, but this was very confusing as I was sooo male identified, so in my head, I self-hatingly referred to myself as a 'fag' and hurled anti-gay male epithets at myself . . . except I wasn't a gay male and they didn't make sense. So I was sort of confusedly thinking of myself as a gay man, which didn't fit at all. and then I was wondering if I was supposed to be attracted to drag queens or what.

That story would be a lot funnier if I was peppy enough to tell it right. When I recover, I will post a long rumination about Joan of Arc.

I feel like such a freak. they need a third set of bathrooms for weirdos who can't make up their damn minds already.


1 comment:

piratequeen said...

when i was growing up, at night i would dream that i was a boy, or sort of genderless. my little psyche just couldn't figure out how to do my dream activities, rescuing princesses and such, if i was a girl.... then in my 20s i heard lea delaria tell this joke: "somebody said to me, 'girls don't dress like that.' and i said, 'well i'm a girl and i dress like this, so EVIDENTLY GIRLS DO DRESS LIKE THIS!!!"

a long way of saying, honey, you're not a freak... you're you. and from my aged p.o.v. that's not remotely freakish, in fact it's pretty groovy.