A few hours ago, my mom started breathing roughly. I gave her some morphine to calm it down. That takes a half hour to work. But as her breathing was getting rougher and more irregular, her pulse was speeding up. She was warm and sweaty. We called Paul. Dad, Christi, Cathy and I stood around and stared at Mom. then her breathing calmed down and her pulse returned to normal. We called back Paul and told him to come to dinner. He's got some alarming voice mail. I guess we should have waited a bit to call.

Mitch says, "wow she's a real fighter."

Mom's pain seems to have subsided at least. She's somewhat awake. She's fighting. She's fighting a losing battle. But she'll make up her mind. My dad is convinced she'll die on tuesday. Maybe she's trying to hold out. He really wants her to hold out. so do my brother and uncle. Margie told her yesterday, "Baby, go home." She's getting mixed messages. I wish I'd made her some pot tinctures. She could take a few drops. It would make her feel better. Maybe give her courage. the nearest CBC is in hayward, I think. I can't send anyone in my stead. It would also increase her heartrate, so maybe it's not the thing for her now. It's a moot point.

Christi and I went to wholefoods to buy dish soap. We got a head shakra candle. Perhaps it's a bit late for it now. One of the checkers at the store is a Mills student. She was in German House with me. I made her cry. I scare the horses. I should not go out in public.

I wonder if there are eco caskets. I wonder how one would get one on short notice. I think most enviromentalists are creamated.