rainy day

but happy anyway. In fact, when I went to my see my shrink, I've been so chill lately that she told me not to schedule another appointment unless something came up. Apparently, the Wesleyan student health services has deemed me sane. Or sane enough, at least. Part of the reason I was in such a good mood is because Cola sent me a CD of an Oakland-based duo called The Coup. Cool stuff. Also jelly beans and dark chocolate. Cola is awesome.

So yeah, I'm not a game show host. I'm not gleeful 24/7. But damn, I'm doing better than I was in February when I had devised a plan on how to harm myself. Um, yeah. A plan I decided not to execute. Would have gone to a hospital instead. Didn't want the world to know what a loser I was. Didn't want to hurt my dad. Also knew that I would probably feel better later. But I did think about it. Bad times. I wouldn't be blogging this unless it was 100% past tense.

So damn, what a year. There's only three weeks of school left, but I have a paper due May 14th. I'm actually starting to really like school, now that it's almost ending. Not that I'm not anxious to get home for the summer. Xena will be going to dog summer camp in Kentucky with Angela. I have two offers for house checking up, but no offers for subletting. Alas. I was thinking I should drive across the country, but Sophie points out this would take a week and flying is faster and cheaper. So... do I really need all the gear I was going to haul around? My desktop is excellent for running protools, except it doesn't work. And I've barely run protools all year. Do I really need it for the summer? What if I just had my laptop, my bass guitar and some clothes? Maybe my basshead too, cuz it's small. I keep thinking I should bring my drum machine, but I can't think why. I mean, it needs MIDI to work and I have no MIDI on my laptop. Why is my drum machine calling to me? Maybe I could have discussed this with my shrink today. She wanted to know what's been bugging me lately. Same old stuff, you know, but not so much I can't just annoy my friends or feel better by the next morning. Couldn't think of much to talk about. She said, "can't you dig up some anguish?"

I got rythm, I got music. You're wondering what a basshead is. Some bass amps are in two parts, the amplifier and a seperate speaker. I have an insanely huge speaker cabinet because some boy was giving me grief about my rig and I caved into peer pressure and now I have gigantic speaker that I don't ever want to move anyplace. the head is a seperate part that actually does all the electronic amplification. It has a power cord. the speaker does not. Most people, despite what peer-pressuring boy says about "professional" bassists, have these peices joined together in a combo amp. the electronics are at the top of the amp and the speaker is below. I have helpfully taken a photo of my basshead sitting on my ludicrously large speaker. It will come in handy if I play in a too-loud punk band next term...