And now, the author of "Sisters"

No political figure is too unimportant to lampoon, especially ones that write lesbian pulp fiction and go on to have lesbian daughters.

It was just eight -- just eight days ago that Dick and I embarked on this campaign. And the enormity of the honor that you have bestowed upon him is still sinking in. It is such a proud moment for our family.

and unlike my daughter, I like dick. heh heh.

Hello, family.

Hi mom!

My task tonight is to introduce Dick. And I could start with his resume. It is a pretty spiffy resume: White House chief of staff, congressman, defense secretary, distinguished business leader. But since I have a unique perspective on Dick's life, I want to spend most of my time telling you things you may not know.

I just said "spiffy" because I'm a woman of the people. Really, even more so, a political wife. I am not an elite academic or the author of several books. I'm a republican stepford wife. And Bush is from Texas.

I have heard Dick talk about visiting his grandparents, staying with them in the railroad car in which they lived, and traveling up and down the line as his granddad cooked for the section gangs. This was not only an enormous adventure for a boy of 9 or 10, Dick learned from his time with his grandfather that cooking is an honorable male occupation.

not only has Dick interacted with the working class without spitting on them, he's actually descended from them. And being around the non-rich is certainly an adventure, as I'm sure you delegates know, especially those of you brave enough to try riding the subways in this crazy city!

also, dick isn't 100% mysoginist!

Conversations with Dick have a way of taking unexpected turns; problems get redefined and you find yourself thinking about things in new ways. I cannot imagine the discussion that would not benefit from his presence. He will be a very good vice president.

He completely twists the facts, makes things up and frames the dialog in an insane way. Also... wait a minute . ... this is a speech from the 2000 convention. damn it