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Saturday, 11 September 2004

I've decided to become right wing

If you've been obsessively reading the news today (what? "a life"? what do you mean?), you're certainly aware that when CBS uncovered documents indicated that Dubya disobeyed direct orders, all sorts of media started claiming that those documents were forgeries. The charges of forgery are rediculous, but it doesn't matter as doubt has been planted in people's minds. In fact, the "forgery" story has overshadowed the original story. Dubya was going down, when boom, a massive distraction was created. It started appearing in blogs before CBS had even finished it's broadcast.

Meanwhile, some guys who never met John Kerry put out a TV ad saying bad things about him and weeks later they seem to be still running ads. Kerry's not hitting back in a way that gets media saturation. And he's not exactly left wing. Bush is the antithesis of all I used to stand for, so he must be really right wing. And suppoerting him would be a lot less frustrating if I were a right winger, cuz 1. He's really right wing and 2. He can put out a fire in a way the Democrats can't. So I'm switching sides. I mean, kerry is a so watered-down version of what i support that he's not even clearly identifiable as related. But bush is the antithesis of what i would go for. lots of people are itching to vote for bush. cuz he's evil and they like that. they look at him and say, "hey, there's my kind of evil!" so if i were a rightwinger, i'd probably love bush.

It won't be hard. I do kind of hate people who are different than me. Bush invokes an alien other a lot, so I'll do that too. Goddamn heterosexuals! Also: cat people. Cat people are a clear threat to national security. Plus they're something not quite right about them.

it's much more sexy to be evil. you don't have to worry about ethics. you can do whatever you want. you can use any tactic. unscrupulous people frequently prosper. cheaters often win. i'm switching to evil. and i support cat person profiling.

i'm also scapegoating men. I would like to point out that heterosexual, cat-people, men are especially dangerous. 'm going to write a book explaining how they should all be rounded up. evil is winning. it's a sign of the end times. but i don't beleive in the afterlife, so i'm throwing in my lot with the beast.

also, surgery for prostate cancer should only be performed in cases of rape or incest. cuz prostates have to do with sex, which is related, for men, to being men, and i need to scapegoat them. And, so if fetuses aren't babies in cases of rape or incest, then men can have prostate cancer fixed only when it's not their fault either.

Um, who else should I irrationally hate and deny basic rights to? Any ideas?

2 comments:

uncola said...

i think there's a premade list of people you have to hate. i don't think you get to choose outside the list, just within it....

Les said...

But I'm /on/ the premade list. I don't want to hate myself!

I do want to go buy an uzi to defend myself from my heterosexual, cat-loving neighbors.